A Letter to Myself

I know in the past three years, things have been hard, some things even have got out of control. You slept less and less each semester, struggling with the never-ending headaches and trying to keep sane. Everyday is just another day of trying to stay alive, trying to still look happy and believing that no matter what happened, something good is going to happen in the end. I heard that you blamed yourself too much, you even hurt yourself the other day. 

"I regret coming to Turkey"

From all of the questions that were asked to me when I was in Indonesia last summer, one of the questions that I find interesting is whether I regret it or not to resign from University of Indonesia and continue my undergraduate study in Turkey. Also, what's surprising to me is the fact that the question wasn't only asked once and if I remember it right I think I've encountered several persons who asked me the same question. So do I regret coming to Turkey? The answer is yes I regret coming to Turkey and here are the reasons why;

“...maybe you're right, I did”

“You changed, I don't even recognize who you are”

“I did not... as to I am not and I will never”
<silence>
“Maybe I just stopped being what you expected me to be or you dreamed me to be”
<silence>
“....or maybe you accustomed to your new life and forgot who I really was”
<silence>
“....or you just don't know me, you haven't seen the real me”
<silence>
“or maybe you're right, I did.”
<long silence>